


Shallow

by writergurl2828



Category: Bridgerton (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:46:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writergurl2828/pseuds/writergurl2828
Summary: Set after Episode Three "Art of the Swoon". After her upsetting conversation with The Duke, Daphne decides to move ahead with her relationship with the Prince, but she finds it harder to do so when unexplained feelings and circumstances keep bringing her back to The Duke. Daphne finds that there is much she has to learn about not just love but life in general. Simon battles with the demons of his fathers past, forcing a collision with his future and his desire to move past all things that have to do with his father.
Relationships: Daphne Bridgerton/Eloise Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton/Friedrich Wilhelm Ludwig von Preußen (1794-1863) | Prince Frederick of Prussia, Simon Basset & Anthony Bridgerton, Simon Basset & Daphne Bridgerton, Simon Basset & Lady Danbury
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. As You Were

Chapter One – As You Were

[Daphne’s P.O.V.]

Staring on at myself in the mirror. I cannot help but look at my lips. Maybe they are too small. Maybe they do not have the fullness that would make me more desirable. I cannot believe his words plague me so much that I find every little detail wrong with myself. Someone with his reputation, he should not have much of a say so on what I feel or think. I immediately begin to shrug off the thoughts of the Duke, as I have more meaningful things to be happy about. Feeling a bit of a tug on my shoulder, I look up to see that Rose has finished brushing my hair. Giving her the best of my forced smiles, I begin to think about the good of the day to come. 

“Do you have plans to promenade with The Duke today, Miss Bridgerton?” Rose asked me. The sound of his name has its affects on me, but I am learning that is something that needs to stop. The sooner the better. 

“No, I find that my time is well spent in the company of the Prince. We will both be attending Lady Anton’s Gala” I tell her as I look on at the confusion that she wore on her face through the mirror. 

“…but I thought….” Rose begins to say.

“What?” I ask.

“I thought that you held much esteem for your grace” Rose told me. Our looks. Our stowed away chats at the weekly ball. It was enough to hold a strong enough case that there was more to us than what we led on.

“I hold the Duke in the same regards as I do that of Colin” I reply hoping that I’d believe the statement myself “He is but a family acquaintance that I have enjoyed pleasantries with” I continue to say. Nodding in agreement, Rose does not persist with her questions. Not for not wanting to question me further. But for the simple fact that she did not want to distort my vision of what I wanted the Duke to be to me. 

“I will be sure to put together the finest of spreads for you and the Prince” Rose says as she changes the subject that I would much rather discuss. Just as we both confirmed our desire to keep all talks to that of the Prince, Eloise came into the doorway with her usual book in hand. 

“May I trouble you for a moment?” Elouise asks. In her usual tone, Eloise does not ask as much as she demands.

“I shall leave to prepare your spread for the day Miss” Rose excuses herself from the room just as I turn to look on at my sister.

“I’m afraid to ask of your thoughts” I say to her after a few good looks of my sister.

“Well, I do have questions my dearest sister…” Eloise says to me as I rise from my seat and begin to stow away my belongings as I was always prone to keep a tidy space. 

“Oh, do not insult my intelligence with your niceties. You want something…” I begin to laugh.

“Lady Whistledown is of the highest ranks. Ranks that you now find yourself in the company of. Would there be any possibility…?” Eloise begins to tell me.

“That what? The Prince or any of his acquaintances would be bothered with such fodder” I reply as I find that Eloise’s wild imagination leads her to wildest of questions “Eloise, you would be better served to learn the latest piece of Mozart. I find the musical arts….” I begin to tell her, but she pays no mind to what I am telling her.

“I do not wish to learn of the latest piece of Mozart. If I had, I would’ve found much knowledge of it in the company of a well-versed piece of literature than the recollection of my eldest sibling” Eloise quickly replies to me.

“Then I do not know what to tell you” I tell her as the usual divide between us rears its unfortunate head in our encounter “I know that Lady Whistledown has become of interest to you, but it should serve no purpose to go down this path. She is but slander and nothing good will come of learning of her identity” I add.

“It is much easier to take your words as helpful if they were not plagued with insecurities. Sister, I find that it would best serve you if Lady Whistledown were to be discovered. It would most certainly lead to your personal affairs not being the talk of the town” Eloise replies.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” I ask of my sister.

“It means that your mirage of perfection wouldn’t meet questioning glances, if there was no one that saw right through it” Eloise stated.

“Yes, I am perfectly done with this conversation, as you will not take heed to the mere fact that you are chasing your own mirages in hopes of escaping the fact that you will actually have to grow up” I snap at her as I find my patience wearing thin with my sisters constant belittling of me.

“I do not know why I felt that coming to you of all people, would serve as useful” Eloise gripes as she pushes past me to leave my room. 

I hate that I had said such unkind things to her. It was just a side of me that Eloise brought out. My desire was not to hurt her feelings. But I just wanted her to know her time would be best serve enriching her future. Everything I do, is to enrich that of all my sister’s futures. 

No. I must not let the usual sparring sessions with Eloise get to me. I must have one singular focus, and nothing must impede that. Just as I prepare to brace the day with a new sense of purpose, I find another blow to my will when Rose knocks at the door. 

“Miss, it appears that The Duke has sent flowers for you” Rose smiles happily, and I immediately go into a tailspin of anger and confusion by the gesture. 

***

[Simon’s P.O.V.]

Overseeing the packing of my belongings, I find the urge to jump in. My men cannot move fast enough to get me out of London by early light. Instead, I must work on patience. I must realize that in due time, I will be able to escape the monster that was my father. Staying in The Hastings Estate, it was like reliving a nightmare that I soon wanted to forget. I would make my escape towards Lady Danbury’s and set up room and board with her. The memories only made me despise him even more. I hate to admit it, but his death was my beginning of finally being rid of him. Every reference of my looks to his, I just want scream that I am in no way any representation of the monster. I must leave. Nothing ties me to London. Not anymore. Erupting sounds of coughing plague my ears, tearing me out of my desires to flee. Making haste towards the study, I see Lady Danbury with the town doctor. I am immediately confused as to why his presences graces the estate.

“And what is going on here?” I ask making my presence known to the two. Walking into the room further, the doctor begins put away items into his black tote.

“Nothing more than a mere check in on the old ticker” Lady Danbury downplays

“I see, so we usually tuck away into the study that you make little to no appearance in” I quickly reply as I do not buy into what she is telling me.

“Your Grace, Lady Danbury is…” The doctor began to tell me.

“Uh, I did not give my say on The Duke knowing any knowledge of my well-being” Lady Danbury quickly replies.

“But, if it something as simple as a check in. I would not see the need for you to make such declarations” I tell her. 

“Well, the privilege to know of my well being goes to those that are not in a rush to flee my presence” Lady Danbury says. “Thank you ever so much Doctor Furlington. I shall keep you informed of my progress” she said as she ushered the doctor out.

“I had more questions for the doctor” I tell her.

“And you shall carry those questions with you on your journey to…. where exactly are you travelling to again your Grace?” Lady Danbury says as she is insistent on changing the subject from her to me. 

“Even though I have plans to leave, it does not mean that I do not want to hear that you will be okay in my absence” I tell her. “It pains me that I will be leaving you behind, but…” I go on to say.

“You need not worry about me. I am far more tactful than you give me credit for” Lady Danbury assures me. 

“I know you are. I just am not in habit of seeing one have to check in on you” I tell her.

“Come, we must make haste towards Lady Anton’s Gala. You will delight me with your presence for one last gathering I presume?” Lady Danbury asks.

“I do not think that is of the best decisions for me” I say to her “I fear that….” I try to say.

“You fear that you may run into a certain Bridgerton?” Lady Danbury asks with much intrigue “Are you so eager to deny that something is there between you and Miss Bridgerton?” she asks me.

“There is nothing. I have merely told Miss Bridgerton that her focus should be on that of the Prince” I tell her. 

“I see, so she should focus on the Prince. So, you have you made your choice in the matters of Miss Bridgerton?” Lady Danbury asks. “I will not tell you what your heart should desire. But I should hope that you do not make a life of running from happiness” she tells me.

“My happiness is anywhere but the space he once inhabited” I tell her.

“I want you to join me” Lady Danbury told me. 

“I do not think that to be wise…” I began to say but she would not hear of it.

“If you want to be my knight and shining armor, you will accompany me to one last bothersome event” Lady Danbury tells me. Looking on at her, I find that I can not deny her requests as she holds an unspoken power over me that renders me useless. 

“I shall accompany you” I tell her with no desire to push her any further. 

***

[Daphne’s P.O.V.]

Prince Friedrich and I were the latest talk of the town. At least I had hoped that we would be. Upon arriving, I quickly accompanied him and The Queen as we chatted about the latest classical pieces that we had found pleasing. Each moment of the conversation, I mentally thank my mama’s insistence of me learning how to play the piano as it has carried me far with a well-rounded conversation. His touch on my arm indicates he holds high regard for my closeness. I like that he feels comfortable to touch my arm as I find it pleasing in some weird way to know that I affect him. Though I do not feel a necessary fire from his touch, it will do. 

Glancing across the way, I notice that Lady Danbury has arrived as she wastes no time in making her presence known just by those that are in awe of her wisdom and grace. I was just about to turn away when I saw his presence as he walked a slight distance behind Lady Danbury. I try to turn my focus back to what the Prince spoke of, but I just cannot believe that he is here. A part of me wants to slap him across the face for his words when we last spoke. But then a part of me is grateful for his words as I do not wish to waste any time thinking of some mundane notion that there is something there with The Duke. 

I was certain that he saw my presence. But then I was certain I was just another girl that he chose to avoid. He always had an air of arrogance about him that exuded superiority. We would exchange glances but we both were not prepared to make the first move. With each moment that passed, I was becoming filled with emotions that left me infuriated. It left me confused. It left me wondering how he can say such hurtful things but then look at me as if nothing occurred between us. In the moment that I saw that he was alone, I took it as my chance to finally confront him. 

“Thank you” Simon said to the server as he took a glass of liquor and immediately pressed its rim against his lips. I stop as my focus draws to his lips. The fullness that they possess. The delicate nature they have when pressed against the hard like object that was that of the glass. 

“You are by far the most awful human being I have come to know” I tell him as he tears his attention away from the glass but to my sudden appearance.

“Daphne” Simon says as he looks a bit surprised to see me “…I know that you are still upset….” He begins to say to me. 

“Upset, yes. Confused by your act of truth and then niceties in the form of flowers the next minute. What exactly am I to make of you?” I ask him as he seems to have his memory jogged by the mention of flowers.

“I never intended for you to receive them after…I was merely playing into our agreement” Simon stumbled for words. “I ask of your forgiveness. It was never my intention to be cruel…both occasions I might add” he says. 

“No, I think you meant what you said. I was a fool to think that you could actually be decent man beyond what your reputation speaks of you” I tell him.

“I never meant to say those things to you. I just feel as if you would be better off in using your time with the Prince, then waiting for another. Take it as my brutal method of showing you the truth” Simon tells me. I wish that I could feel comfort in the fact that he put my well being before his, but I do not like the fact that it means I would see less of him.

“I miss my friend” I tell him in a moment of weakness as I feel no desire to lash out at him. I feel no desire to belittle. I just want to understand him. I want to know how he can be so full of warmth one moment and then slay me with the iciness of his words in the next.

“I see that you have managed to move forward with Prince Friedrich. Making our overall plan a success with Lady Whistledown none the wiser” Simon says as I glance over at the Prince.

“Yes, I have chosen to accept that I could become a princess” I tell him. A slight grin comes to his face as he seems amused by what I have said. I do not wish to be funny. But he finds me to be. Moving closer towards me but with a respectable space that would give me my comfort. Simon leans forward as if he has a secret to tell me. 

“Let me make one thing clear Miss Bridgerton, you do not need the likes of a prince to be a princess. Any suitor in your presence, should treat you as a Queen.” Simon tells me. His words cause my heart to flutter uncontrollably. A sweatiness forsakes my hands. I find it hard to breath when he speaks so boldly of me. I wish I possessed the confidence that he speaks of regarding me. 

“Simon” I simply say as his eyes stare back me, burning a hole into my heart that is beating a thousand miles per minute.

“Your Prince awaits” Simon tells me as he slowly takes a step back. Turning his attention towards the Prince that beckons for everyone to gather around him. I do not notice The Prince’s desire for my presence as I stare on at Simon. I look at him wanting to see him. Wanting to know the depths of his words. Wanting to know the depths of his emotions. I just want to know if his heart can even feel for anyone other than Lady Danbury. 

Forcing myself to look away from as I did not want any attention drawn to us, I see that Prince Friedrich is smiling on at me. Walking over towards his side, I begin to feel a tinge of guilt leaving Simon behind. It was such a common thing to do. But it was something that plagued me as I walked forward. The Prince speaks glowingly of me as if he wanted the world to know of his time with me. I feel a bit embarrassed of the eyes that have landed upon me, but I know that it comes with the territory. My mind begins to race as I wonder what his soliloquy of me is leading to. Clenching on to my hand, Prince Friedrich declares his intentions to all that surrounds us. He intends to marry me. The crowd among us are in delight of the news, only ending the speculation of what our intentions are towards each other.

I had always wanted this moment. I had never dreamed of a prince to call my husband. But something about this moment did not feel as full as I thought it would be. Scanning the crowd, I do not see his gaze. I do not see his happiness for me or relief that we had fooled Lady Whistledown. I look amongst the crowd to see my only sight of him, was that of him walking away. 

***

[Simon’s P.O.V.]

I must go. I must go. I want to be happy for her, but I can not bring myself to be happy that she is now declared to be married to the Prince. I should have known this was coming, but it does not hurt any less. I wonder why this even hurts at all. I have no feelings for her. But why does this news hurt so. As I begin to walk towards the awaiting carriage, I am immediately stopped by the King’s Prime Minister. I do not want to be rude, but I also do not wish to talk to anyone. 

“Your grace, may I have a moment with you on the Kings behalf” The Prime Minister asks. 

“Uh, if you must” I reply.

“It has been brought to the Kings attention that you have made your way back to take care of the affairs of your late father” The Prime Minister states.

“I’m sure that Lady Whistledown has caught his attention” I add.

“Yes, The Queen does make it a part of daily conversation” The Prime Minister replies. “The King has great affection towards his relationship to your father. So much so that he bestowed him with a title that was fitting for a man such as your father” he goes on to say so highly of my father. I wish I could speak truth of the monster that is my father. I wish that the outside world knew what he was really like behind four walls. 

“I hate to rush you, but I have pressing deadlines to meet” I tell him as I wish to stop this onslaught of compliments on the monster. 

“Oh yes, my apologies your grace” The Prime Minister tells me as gives a modest laugh. “The King wishes for your presence at high noon tomorrow” he tells me.

“That’s not…. that’s not possible” I tell him as I do not wish to turn down the King’s desire to see me. But I can not stay another day in London. “I am due to leave at morning light” I reply. 

“I assure you; The King will be most displeased if you are unable to come….” The Prime Minister begins to tell me. 

“And we shall not speak of not doing such a thing” Anthony steps in to say on my behalf “The Duke takes great in honor in accepting the Kings invitation” he says once again on my behalf. Giving me the sternest of looks, I am determined to believe that Anthony takes great pride in inserting himself into everyone else affairs but his own. I grit my teeth in agreement as I have no desire to make an enemy of the King. Not with all that he has done for my family. I may have little desire to appease the sake of my father, but I know that my mother meant a great deal to the King.

“Excellent. I look forward to telling the King to expect you” The Prime Minister smiles before he turns to leave Anthony and me.

“Have you gone mad?” Anthony questions me. “You do not turn down an invitation from the King” he states.

“I do not intend to explain myself to you” I tell him.

“That much I know. But as your friend, you will strip yourself of all honor if you choose to spite the King with such disrespect” Anthony tells me as a silence falls upon us. I still wanting to flee but am slowed by unexpected engagements. “I know you wish to leave. But as your friend. I would not be a friend if I let you make such a bold action against the very King that…” Anthony begins to say. 

“I know. I know!!!” I yell in frustration. “Believe, I am aware of the stature that my father has in this town. So glad to hear someone thought highly of the man” I say as I push pass  
Anthony to get into the carriage. Signaling to leave, I must recalibrate my mind to now realize that my departure may have a slight delay. 

***  
[Daphne’s P.O.V]

It felt suffocating. That is all I can characterize the moments after Prince Friedrich had declared his intentions. Mama’s had questions for me that I simply was not prepared to answer. I myself had questions of entering this new phase in my life. I was not prepared to give anyone else an answer that I had yet to truly process. My mama would give her congratulations, but I knew deep down she had her doubts. I had not had time to truly take in what she was telling me. My desire to be a find a love match. That is all it was supposed to be about. I am to marry a Prince. I am to wed in my first season. I should not feel so suffocated. I should feel elated that my family supports me and even likes the man that has chosen me. But now, my only desire is to search for The Duke. Maybe he will make sense of this. 

Rushing to my side, Rose joins me on pursuit to escape while the other guests have not yet realized my absence. Finding Simon was my only hope of calming my nerves. I feel as if he has this unspoken way of easing the nerves that builds in me. Turning the corner, I cannot help but hear a barrage of coughs. I am almost certain that someone is trying to cough out the soul that is within themselves. Coming closer towards the sound, Rose and I wear a look of concern with just the sounds that we were hearing from the person. My mind was expecting someone of an older nature, but I was surprised to see that it was Lady Danbury. 

Hunched over her cane, Lady Danbury leaned up against the side of the building to hold herself up. I immediately rush to her side as she appears to lose her balance somewhat. Grabbing on to her side, I usher her over towards an empty chair that was in the garden. I can see a look of embarrassment on her face of being so helpless that she was unable to refuse the help that I was giving her. Fanning her with my fan that I had stowed away, Rose immediately tended to her while I requested one of the guards to fetch a glass of water. 

“You must stop. You are making a fuss over something as trivial as a cough” Lady Danbury protested.

“I shall cause a fuss then; you look downright flushed” I tell her. 

“I merely stayed to long in the sun than I should have” Lady Danbury replied just as the guard walked over to give the glass of water that I had requested. 

“Here, drink this to sooth yourself” I tell her as she reluctantly takes the glass from me. “I assume that The Duke has gone to make sure the carriage is brought around?” I ask as my eyes can not help but fall upon the handkerchief that has blood on it. 

“I went to look for him, but I can not seem to find him” Lady Danbury replies. While it pains me to hear that Simon is not close, I am almost certain that he had to have left to leave Lady Danbury in such a condition. “I imagine the excitement of today’s event has gotten to him” she says as I am not quite sure of how to take that bit of information. Was he happy for me? Was he bored with the talk of marriage that came on waves? I know for a fact that the whole idea of marriage was enough to make Simon run. 

“We must find a doctor; you do not look well” I say as I continue to tend to Lady Danbury.

“No, I do not…I am perfectly fine” Lady Danbury protests.

“You are not…” I begin to say.

“I am very capable of knowing my own health…” Lady Danbury begins to say.

“Then why do I see blood on your handkerchief?” I question her as she appears to be taken aback that I saw something that I was not supposed to see. 

“It is nothing” Lady Danbury tells me as she gets enough energy to get up from where she sat. 

“It very well may not be, but I know well enough to know that it is not okay. I think a doctor should tend to you…” I begin to tell her.

“They already are!” Lady Danbury tells me forcefully as if this was nothing to her. Like she had known this blood would occur when she was to cough.

“Does Simon know?” I ask as the properness of calling Simon by his title was not necessary in this moment. Not when I knew what Lady Danbury meant to him. No, The Duke was what society knew him as. Simon was the boy that she had helped raised. 

“To some extent, but not everything” Lady Danbury says to me. 

“Rose, can you go back and make sure that my mama is not looking for me” I say as I keep my focus on Lady Danbury. I know that Lady Danbury is not one for gossip, so removing any possibility that she may fear that it would turn in to such a thing was what I willing to do so that she would say what she needed to. 

“Yes, I shall make sure your mama does not worry of your absence” Rose tells me before she quickly leaves Lady Danbury and I alone. 

“Something ails you, is that what this is?” I question as she does little to dispute my thoughts and what the path they were going down. “You must tell him” I tell her. 

“He is to leave at early light. I will not be his reason to stay” Lady Danbury tells me.

“Not if he knew…” I tell her.

“I do not wish for him to know. I have my good and bad days, but it is like every mortal that walks this earth. I have had worse days that you should never know about. A mere cough with a spite of blood is the least of my concern” Lady Danbury replies

“You put me in an awful position Lady Danbury” I reply as I am not certain as to how I am supposed to feel about Simon not knowing. 

“You will feel nothing as you both have proclaimed. He will leave by morning light and you shall marry your Prince. We shall all move on with life as it designed for us to do so”  
Lady Danbury tells me with little time to reply as she pushes past me.


	2. The Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon receives his task from The King, but finds it more challenging that he had expected. Queen Charlotte takes over Daphne and Prince Friedrich pending nuptials, leaving little room for Daphne to live out a childhood dream of hers.

Chapter Two – The Little Things

[ Daphne’s P.O.V.]

I never knew much detail could go into wedding planning. I mean, I knew that there were some aspects that would require more detail than the others. But listening to Queen Charlotte speak of the many locations that the festivities can be held on the grounds of her very own estate, it all becomes daunting. I wish my mind were into this, but I cannot help but think of Lady Danbury. I had not said as much of a word about her condition to anyone, but I still felt I was holding a heavy burden of knowing that all may not be well with her health. Torn out my thoughts by a gentle squeeze, I look over to see Prince Friedrich looking on at me with the biggest of smiles.

“How does that sound Miss Bridgerton?” Prince Friedrich asks of me. 

“My apologies, I was not quite sure I caught the last of what you were saying” I said doing my best to play off the fact that my mind was nowhere near into the process of wedding planning. 

“Daphne, the Queen was merely mentioning that she would like to have the ceremonies span from the South lawn into the North. That would be what? Approximately ten acres of land that will be covered for the festivities” My mama summed up the grandness of what the Queen had planned for.

“Ten acres?” I question as the size itself leaves me speechless.

“Do not worry my dear, all of the royal court will see to it that this will be the grandest event to close out the season” Queen Charlotte proclaimed.

“Ten acres” Rose mouthed.

“This all sounds wonderful” Prince Friedrich states as that sinking feeling once again comes upon me. I feel as if I am suffocating in the depths of the idea of being yet another focus for everyone’s eyes to stare upon. I am hoping that Prince Friedrich can see that I am drowning in front of me, but he fails to see me past his own joy. Looking around me from my mama to Rose, we each find that we have no voice to combat against the Queens wishes. Friedrich was a royal after all. They did everything so grand.  


Feeling smaller by the moment, I was saved by the mere sight of hope. Quickly coming down the steps of the staircase, Simon made his way through the castle. Taking this opportunity as some bit of hope, I gave Rose a glance that let her know that I needed a moment. Knowing me well enough, Rose knew that I just need to take everything in because it was all so much. Going past my mama, she quickly takes up the group with further discussions of wedding planning as my decoy while I found myself chasing after Simon.  


I have to say that I was a bit surprised to see him. I suspected that he would waste no time in escaping London. So, whatever kept him, I was sure it had to be urgent. Maybe he had learned of Lady Danbury’s condition. Maybe he too was concerned for her. Catching up to him the gardens, I quicken my pace so that I do not miss this opportunity to speak with him.  


“Simon!” I call out as I catch up to him.

“What now?!?” Simon says angrily as he turns around nearly running into me. Nearly falling back, Simon grips on to my shoulders instinctively. I feel a jolt of fire course through my veins just by his touch. I am flustered in the moment as my pace quickens the beating of my heart. At least, that is what I am thinking it could be. His eyes look through me as we look on at each other. Freeing his hold of me, my body feels an absence that cannot be explained.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him. 

“The King summoned me” Simon tells me.

“Wishing you safe travels I presume” I conclude.

“I wish it was something of that nature” Simon gripes. 

“Then what?” I ask. 

“He has requested that I oversee the town farm tenants needs. Make peace and come to a mutual understanding of the royal courts behalf” Simon told her. 

“Can you do that?” I ask of him as I was never certain what work he nor my brother did with their titles.

“Yes, or at least hope that I can. The monster saw to it that all relations with the farm tenants and The King were on good terms. Ever since his necessary demise, those relations have ceased” Simon tells me. 

“Monster???” I question as I am not sure as who is the monster that he speaks of. 

“Nothing, I was merely flustered” Simon quickly replies as he does not care to elaborate as to what he meant with the term “What are you doing here?” he then asks me.

“I…mama and I are here to meet with the Queen. We’re discussing the wedding” I smile weakly as he seems hesitate to answer. 

“This is everything that you asked for. I would hope that you would be overjoyed with the springs finest florals” Simon said. 

“Ten acres worth” I state as he wears look of surprise that soon fades into a grin. 

“Should I bow to you now?” Simon questions with a bit of a laugh that annoys me more than eases the tension that I feel. “I do not know what you expected. This is all a part of being a royal. You will have ten acres of many events. Everything is to be grand” he tells me.

“I do not wish to be so grand. I had hopes that on the day that I were to wed, it would be much smaller. Nothing but the closeness of family” I tell him. 

“If that is what you want, then see to it that you get just that” Simon tells me after a few moments of silence come between us. “I must go. I must make haste to see Lady Danbury” he says to me.

“How is she?” I quickly ask him as I assume that he is going to check on the well-being of her. 

“She is fine. Sharp as ever with the usual biting words that can cut at one’s soul” Simon replies. That is not exactly the description that I was thinking of from what I saw her last as. He does not know. I remain the only one that knows that she is far from simply fine. 

“Will you be staying?” I ask him. 

“Not for long if I have anything to say about it. My hopes are to strike up an understanding quickly so I can escape” Simon tells me.  
“So, it is set then. I must find a way to turn this grand event that is my wedding into a much smaller affair, and you must seek an agreement with the farm tenants” I tell him as I  
set out the missions that are before us. 

“Very well then” Simon says in agreement as we both head in opposite directions to conquer our assigned tasks. For a moment, I was quickly reminded of the fact that the woman he loved dearly, was concealing some vital information from him. In that moment, I felt some small bit of bravery as I figured that I could steer him in the direction to be more concerned. 

“Just one more thing” I say as I turn to look on at him as he does the same.

“Yes” Simon simply replies. I look at him, and while I know I should. I cannot. I cannot tell him because I feared that this was not my secret to tell. From the look in his eyes, Simon tried not to press me to speak. But it was clear that time was of essence to him. “Daphne, come out with it already” he tells me. 

“Just be safe. If you were to have success and you choose to leave…I should want, you be safe” I tell him as pieces of my heart tend to flutter in showing that he had a place in it that he or I were unaware of. 

“I will” Simon replies as he looks on at me. He has this ability to make my heartbeat at a thousand miles per minute. Maybe it is because I fear saying or doing something stupid in his presence. But he affects me in a way that I cannot explain. He is a fluster that I cannot quite understand. Turning quickly so that he cannot see the through every depth of me, I had to escape while I had the chance.

***  
[ Simon’s P.O.V.]

I had always been told that I could be quite charming and dashing. There was not much I could do with that as a child. But it was a tool I had become skillful with as the days of adolescence waned. With every opportunity I had, I tried to bend the numerous farm tenants demands into some bit of a compromise that the King could adhere to. I had seen firsthand that there was a deep divide amongst the people and their king that was not going to be resolved with a mere bit of charm. Let us not forget the fact that with the farm tenants putting up such a fierce stubbornness to striking a deal with the King, that put me no closer to leaving. 

I had enough time to think of a planned escape on my carriage ride back into the town. I could make a go of it. I do not have anyone that would miss me beyond that of Lady Danbury. Surely, I would write to let her know of my where abouts when enough time had passed. If she would feel that she was seeking adventure, I am almost certain that Lady Danbury would join me on my endeavors to reckless lawlessness. I was a boy without a home until her. We would be a storm that no one saw coming. 

Playing into my imagination would only carry me so far until I came back to the reality, that I was stuck in London. There was no way that I was going to go against the King. Reserving the rest of the evening for a tall glass of ale and whatever the bar had to offer, I wanted to drink away the pain of getting to the point in my life where I was utterly fucked. I must reside in a town in which my family estate was of no comfort to me because the memories of the monster reigned heavily within the estate that it was suffocating.  
That is not a home. It is a house of horror.

Singing. Drinking. Singing. Drinking. I was finding my sense of seriousness was beginning to wane with every ounce of brown liquor I consumed. I was sure the bar keep was ready to throw me out, but the money would surely keep me in for as long as I desired. I had no care in the world. Why should I? the world has no care for me. 

I would get so deep into my drunken tirade that I would stir up a brawl or two. No one would hit me as they fear my title as Duke would land them in the pits of the social scene. Imagine how feeble this world really was that a man would fear based on a title than they did my own stature. People create this mirage of me and is quite tiresome to fight through it. No one saw through it. They only see what they want to see. The charming and dashing Duke. From the moments I tried to make sense of my surroundings, I found that in a blink of an eye I was somewhere new. The home looked familiar to me. It all did. 

“Right about now, you shall feel as if a massive boulder is landing on your head” Anthony says as he looks on at me. Feeling the coldness of the floor, I begin to see that I have found a resting spot on the drawing room floor. 

“Bridgerton” I muster up the words to say, “Another round of drinks?” I ask.

“No, not my friend. Your round of drinks has ceased when the bar keep saw fit to tell Colin of your mayhems” Anthony told me. “You should consider yourself quite fortunate that Colin was near to gather you and not the brute that was sure to pummel you” he said. 

“This is your fault” I groan as I attempt to sit up.

“For the drunken mess that you have become. Please enlighten me how I driven you to this current state” Anthony replies smugly in his usual manner that made me want to ring his neck. 

“If you would have minded to your own affairs, I would have been able to tell the Prime Minister that I have no desire to change the minds of stubborn farm tenants” I tell him “I would be on a boat, travelling to anywhere but here” I add.

“Very well then, continue to consider me the foil to your plan to escape” Anthony replied with a bit of chuckle at my pain.

“You are a retched friend. Do you not see that?!?” I ask in disbelief. 

“And I will continue to be as you sleep on the very floor of my family estate” Anthony told me. “I should offer you the guest suite, but I should fear that you’d ruin the sheets. So, sleep. Stew. We will conquer the day tomorrow with clear minds of the challenges ahead” he tells me before he pats me on the back and makes haste to leave me behind. I was certain that he was escaping to sleep about with Sienna. He would never say such a thing in the presence of his family estate, but it was a secret that he was horrible at keep amongst himself. 

I was not about to follow the orders of Anthony of all people. I was still the Duke of Hastings. I out rank him on any given day. Sitting up may have been too much to take in all at once. I feel the sudden desire to throw up everything that I had digested in the early hours. Leaning up against the furniture, I rested my head up against anything that was cold to the immediate touch. In a mere moment, after I was able to fend off a drove of ailment that was coming over me, I would make my escape of something. 

“Simon?” Daphne asks as she comes down the staircase in what looks to be her night dress. 

“And another Bridgerton” I sigh. 

“What are you doing here?” Daphne asks as she come closer towards me. 

“One of your eldest siblings, they brought me here. Now I wish to return” I tell her as I attempt to get up but fall to me my feet.

“Be careful” Daphne tells me as I can see that she has rushed to my side. “You definitely smell of a bar” she tells me as I can see that the smell disturbs her.

“Do I bother you?” I ask.

“The smell of you in this moment, yes. You are a mess” Daphne replies. “I can presume that you failed in your endeavors as did I” she stated.

“I did not fail; I reached a mere setback” I tell her. “Please, stop spinning. I find it to be quite paralyzing” I tell her as I wish that the two of her would stay in one place. 

“I am not spinning” Daphne tells me as she wears a look of confusion. “I suppose I could relate to idea that everything is spinning around me. I made my suggestion to the Queen to consider the little church near the countryside, but she would not hear of it. Then Prince Friedrich was all but delighted to every suggestion the Queen had. I was but a mere ghost to them….” She continues to tell me but no part of me wanted to talk about her marriage to the Prince. I could not handle hearing of that specific news. It was enough to make me sicker than I already felt. 

“You cannot compare to my defeat. So, I would think the location as to where you will wed your Prince is of any true importance to what I had to deal with” I gripe as I become tired of hearing her talk about her wedding to her Prince. 

“Have I upset you?” Daphne asks as she take in the shift of my attitude. 

“No, you have not upset me. You have overwhelmed me with these trivial problems” I tell her. “You do not wish to marry in such a grand fashion, just say so. You will have a lifetime of silence to look forward to, you should at least speak up now while you think you can” I state. 

“You should know better than anyone that it is not exactly easy for me to just speak so boldly, especially to the Queen” Daphne tells me “I may or may not have the courage to do so. But I thought, I was merely discussing the matters that I face with a friend” she said.

“I do know, I have known all along how you wish and wish. But rely on someone else to step up and guide you to what you want” I tell her. 

“I cannot read you. One moment you are nice and kind. Then the next…you are this” Daphne tells me.

“I am not here for you to read” I tell her. “Your problems are not problems; they are a childlike fantasy that you will get over once the crown is placed atop of your head” I say. 

“And to that, I shall grant you a good night” Daphne says as she turns towards the staircase. 

“And again, you leave…” I begin to say.

“What should I say when you act this way? You want to be gone. I have understood that clearly and I have accepted that nothing and no one means anything to you, and for the life of me, I have yet to understand that notion” Daphne exclaims. “I care. I care even when I know that I should not when it comes to you” she tells me.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” I question.

“It means exactly what I said. I care enough to let you go because I would rather you be happy. You may feign happiness, but I know that you do not roam about the halls of Lady Danbury’s by choice but because you have some unspoken uneasiness that you have made mention of on more than one occasion” Daphne tells me “So I apologize that one moment was about my problem, because I assure you, I hear you when you speak of yours. You just get used to this notion that no one listens to you, but I hear you even when you think that I do not” she tells me before she disappears up the staircase.

I do not even know why Anthony has left me here. All of this is his fault. Of course, saying such hurtful words to his sister would fall upon my own doing. But I would not be here if it had not been for him. I try my best to make this his fault. I want this to be his fault because I would not feel bad for my actions. I was never one to feel anything after speaking my truths of a situation that presented itself to me. I guess it is that biting wit that I developed from Lady Danbury. But I was beginning to realize that the biting wit I could use on other people. I did not want to with her. I wanted to be softer. I did not want to be how I was with others with her.  
I can only groan in frustration as my drunken night as ended with yet another mess I would have to clean up.

***  
[Daphne’s P.O.V.]

Why is he so insistent on being so rude? His biting words, I can forgive once. But I cannot handle this being our usual form of conversation. I do not understand why Anthony saw to leave him here to begin with. If he wanted to have the Duke display his drunken nature, he would be best suited for the bar he carried from. Storming about as I got dressed, I fear his rudeness would rub off on me as I found that there were moments that I was quite short with Rose. 

After a few moments, I take a deep breath and realize that I cannot let his frustrations get to me. Of course, he was not raking through all of Europe like he had hoped. But maybe him stay would be better. Maybe he would realize what is right in front of him. I wanted to be mad. But I had realized that there were much worse things he could be upset about with me or at me for. If he were to stay, I needed to show him that it could all be worth it. There would be difficult times. But was any story without a few bumps and bruises along the way. The talks of stories lead me to feel as if I am confusing my own thoughts with one of Eloise’s books, she hides her face in. 

Coming out of my bedroom, I was determined to start my day off with a new perspective on the things that challenged me. Hearing a bit of movement from one of the spare bedrooms, I looked in the crack to see that he had made his way inside the room. He was relieved of his shirt. Changing into another shirt that I was sure the servants had left for him to do so. I was not much of an intruder on one’s space, but my eyes could not tear away from the vision that was before me. Looking on the chiseled frame that he possessed. He had a certain stature that would only be the benefits of the constant use he would exert from his boxing sessions with Will. The imprints on his lower abdominal region showed much detail of perfection as if he had sculpted them so. Torn out of my gaze upon his frame, I was startled to see Rose standing behind. 

“Miss, are you ready to leave for the day?” Rose asks me as I try to gain control of myself. I appear to be a bit more flustered than what I can care to explain. 

“Yes, let us…” I begin to say before the door opens to reveal him now dressed in his most sociable attire. 

“Miss Bridgerton, are you alright?” Simon asks as he too looks on at how flushed I had become.

“Yes, I am perfectly fine” I told him.

“I am glad to actually see you” Simon tells me as I am disbelief. 

“I would gather that from our last conversation, I was but the last person you would look to be glad to see” I reply.

“I know that I was not on best of temperaments, and to that I want to extend my apologies” Simon says.

“What is this? The now second apology that you have had to offer me” I tell him as I did not want to make this easy for him.

“Daphne” Simon tells me in an almost whisper as he did not want the spotlight of my anger to be displayed for others to see. “My sincerest apologies” he tells me softly as he looks at me in a way that only he can. I hate that he has this weird effect on me. I want to be mad, but when he looks at me with those eyes. All anger gets pushed aside. 

“I want to show you something” I tell him as I break the trance that he has me under.

“I must return to…” Simon begins to say but I will not allow him to finish.

“I shall see you at the carriage” I tell him as I refuse to take not as an answer from him. Turning to leave, I look on to Rose to join me on my journey to the front. 

***

[Simon’s P.O.V]

I was not sure what to make of Daphne’s last-minute excursion that she urged me to come along for. A part of me feared that I had pushed her too far and she had hatched a plan to get rid of me. Nearly riding out into the countryside, I began to wonder if she was going to be the getaway driver out of this town. I would not mind the company, but I could not allow her to leave her family without notice. Stopping short on this little quaint cottage, the carriage soon came to a stop. I am all but confused at this point because nothing about this place looks familiar to me. Getting out of the carriage, Daphne makes her through the cobblestone path that led to the front of the small cottage. She seems to be familiar with this place. It as if she knows this place like the back of her hand. 

I would not be truthful if I did not fear some bit of where we were. But her ease and confidence as she walked about gave me a sense of calm. She was very much aware of her surroundings. She was not worldly, but she was the epitome of what I found to be gentle grace. Following behind her into the small cottage, I begin to see it is a church that encompasses the inside.

“Not quite like the pictures, but it everything I imagined it to be” Daphne smiles on at the simplest setting. 

“Did you bring me here to repent?” I ask out of confusion as all she could do was laugh.

“No, I brought you here to show you. Show you what I had always imagined” Daphne tells me before she offers her hand to me. “Do not be scared your Grace. You will not be struck dead for your past transgressions” she says as I skeptically take her hand. The touch of her hand in mine sends a calming feel throughout my body. Like whatever ails me, she could shield away with her grace and calmness. 

“How do you know about this place?” I ask as she stands at the front of the church.

“It is where my mama and papa shared their wedding vows” Daphne smiled as she continued to soak it all in. “Papa would show me the pictures of that day. He had said that it was the day his life had become anew” she smiled as she thought of the memories of her father. I was not sure that a smile could ever appear as big as hers, when it came to thinking of a father. “My papa had seen this church as a little boy, and he had dreamt of marrying his wife in this church. It was not all that mama had expected, but she says when she saw it on that day. Nothing else mattered. It was about their love and nothing more” she shares with me. 

“And this is a dream you shared along with your papa?” I gather from her story as it begins to make sense as to why it meant so much to her. 

“I have been to grand balls. I have had the fortune to dine with the Queen. I have been offered the finest of jewelry. But no amount of grandeur can take the place of the feeling one should feel on that day. I want to feel like nothing else matters” Daphne tells me. "It was my dream that on the day that I should wed. That it would be in the very church that my mama and papa did" she tells me.

“Ten acres does not compare to this” I smile on at her as I am amazed with the beauty of her thoughts. 

“I know that this is not the place you want to be, but I cannot say that I am sad that you did not succeed in your efforts to convince the farm tenants” Daphne says to me. 

“Is this the spirit of reprisal for how I spoke to you last night?” I ask.

“No, this is me not being ready for you to leave” Daphne quickly shares with me. “You may not need me. But I am not ashamed to admit that I need you” she says as it nearly takes my breath away that she would feel so bold to tell me such things. Turning towards her, I want to be sure that this was the same girl that I was seeing that had nothing but disdain for me upon my arrival. “You will not speak to me as rudely as you have. You will talk to me. You will tell me what bothers you, whether good or bad. But I will not be your punching bag to take your anger out on. This is how this will work. It is the only way it will work. I am not your enemy. I am someone that cares about you, whether you choose to see that or not” she demands of me like no other woman has ever had to. 

“Then I should ask the same of you” I tell her.

“Then there we have it. I will show you that I am worthy of your respect” Daphne tells me as I let a smile slip. “Well done. A smile, you should try that more often. It suits you well your Grace” she adds.

I do not think that in one moment I have felt both elated and terrified all in one. This would mark the moment that would ruin me for days to come.

***

How can you miss someone you've never met?  
'Cause I need you now but I don't know you yet  
But can you find me soon because I'm in my head?  
Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet

[Simon’s P.O.V.]

Listening on at the King’s grand schemes of bringing the farm tenants to their knees, I was reminded of how unwell he was. He would speak to convince you that he was perfectly fine. But I knew. I knew he was a man on the verge of losing control. I pitied him. I pitied any man that had to slowly go through the process of losing something that tried so hard to possess. The more he would try to hold on to the grips of this reality. The quicker it began to fade. 

After I had made my promises to the King of an agreement between, he and the farm tenants before the upcoming winter, I wasted no time in trying to devise a plan that would gain me the opportunity to keep the Kings good favor. I did not want his favor for being the monster’s son, but I wanted for my own reasons. I would be a Hastings. But I needed to be a man that was not walking in the shadows of another. I needed to set forth on my own path that others would someday speak highly of.

'Cause lately it's been hard  
They're selling me for parts  
And I don't wanna be a modern art  
But I only got half a heart  
To give to you

[Daphne’s P.O.V]

Walking about the castle, I find myself more intrigued with the stories of the paintings than that of the Queen’s. Meeting with the Queen on the fabrics that she would hope to acquire, I found the details to be tiresome than I could imagine. I would be lost without mama being of assistance to me, in holding the Queen’s interest. Taking our seats at the table that was set aside for us in the courtyard, I would only hope that wedding talks would soon be ending. The occasional glance from Prince Friedrich, I could see that he was so kind and adoring. But something just did not feel as if I was certain. Mama would speak of those moments with papa, where she was certain that she had found her love match. Maybe it is because we barely even know each other beyond what we have asked of each other. Maybe that feeling will come in due time and I am just eager to come upon it for this moment to mean something more than it should. 

“And Miss Bridgerton, I must say I was highly impressed with your selection” Queen Charlotte spoke as I was a bit confused as to what she meant. I had not got much of a word in to suggest anything to her or for Prince Friedrich for that matter.

“My selection?” I ask.

“The Duke told me of your efforts to make this more of a private event from the eyes of Lady Whistledown. I should hate for this to turn in to mere scribbles on that parchment of paper” Queen Charlotte said “A nice quaint church near the countryside would be a perfect location. An exclusive but secluded location as you say. I love it” she spoke highly of my supposed idea.

“The small, white church near the countryside” Mama smiled as I could see it was immediately bringing the memory back of papa to her. 

“Yes, The Duke was quite insistent on me hearing of this place. If the Duke swears by it, then it must be the right fit” Queen Charlotte said as all I could do was smile. I had received my victory. My dream kept alive with a mere mention and insistence.

He had failed at his task but saw to it that I did not meet the same fate as he. The Duke was slowly becoming more a mystery to me. One that I had look forward to uncovering many truths about.

How can you miss someone you've never seen?  
Oh, tell me are your eyes brown, blue, or green?  
And do you like it with sugar and cream?  
Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me?

[Simon’s P.O.V]

Removing pictures from the wall. Pushing furniture to the side of the room. Stripping the beds of their linens. I went about the whole estate doing just that. I was most certain that the staff did not know what to make of what I was doing to the Hastings estate. Coming down the staircase, I had tossed items that I found all about into one pile. 

“Your Grace, is something wrong?” Jeffries asks me.

“Get rid of it” I tell him as I walk over to grab my coat.

“If I am to stay in this house. I want every trace of what used to be gone” I reply as the servants begin to gather the items that I have piled up. “I want new everything. Find me new paintings that will suit me. Burn the sheets. I want to strip everything” I tell him. 

“Are you certain?” Jeffries asks.

“More than ever” I tell him. 

Yeah, lately it's been hard  
They're selling me for parts  
And I don't wanna be a modern art  
But I only got half a heart  
To give to you

[Daphne’s P.O.V]

Staring up at the ceiling as I lay in my bed. Sleep is hard to come by. I would hear a bit of movement from the down the hall where Eloise would rest, but I was certain that she was up reading about. Slowly rising to sit in my bed. A notion came over me that I could not shake. Getting up from my bed, I grab my robe as I leave my room. Heading down the halls, I can hear her whisper as she read her story with much delight. She looked as if she were a receiving a new toy from the toy shop, enthralled with the beauty of something shiny and new that she had discovered. Realizing that I was standing in the doorway, Eloise nearly jumped back in surprise. 

“Daphne!?!” Eloise exclaims as she attempts to hide the book behind her book. 

“What are you reading?” I ask as I close the door behind me.

“Nothing that you would care to hear about” Eloise tells me as a silence comes between us. Me coming to Eloise in the night was never something that was common for us. “Is something wrong?” she asks.

“I need your assistance with something” I tell her as I am not quite sure how to explain this to her “I wanted to know more of the kinds of cough that would cause one to bleed” I say.

“So, you wish to confuse your thoughts amongst a book. What shall mama say if she knew her crowned perfection…” Eloise began to say as she could see that me coming to her was not exactly the easiest thing to do. If I was coming to her, it was because I truly needed her help. “This sounds more of the medical literature. Literature that I do not possess” she tells me.

“Very well then, forget I asked…” I begin to tell her as I see this as my pending request to leave her be.

“But I can get this literature. I can help you find out more about this cough you speak of” Eloise tells me as we both share a weak smile, unsure of how to deal with the pleasantries we were giving to each other. “May I ask why the interest?” she asks.

“It is of interest for someone that I care deeply for, and I just want to know of how to be of help” I reply as she looks at me skeptically for a moment before finally accepting what I have told her.

And I hope it's enough.

[Simon’s P.O.V]

Nearly sprawled about on Lady Danbury’s furniture. I am almost tempted to fall asleep after the meal that was prepared for us. Of course, Lady Danbury would finish off the evening with a stiff drink. She would say that it was the only way to show appreciation for a good meal. But I knew it was just her way of having one last taste before should retire for the evening. I was tempted to turn down her offer, but I felt it might insult her even more to drink alone. As soon as I became of age, Lady Danbury and I would spend some nights with a good ale, talking the night away of stories we would find of interest. It was not how most would think I would spend my evenings, but the stories she would tell of my mama. It was enough to fill all the time in the world. It was the only connection I would have with the woman I would never meet. 

“I was almost certain that you would be gone” Lady Danbury tells me. 

“I was, that was until the King saw to put an impossible task in front of me” I reply. “But I will figure it out. In due time, I will find a solution to the problem before me” I told her. 

“Glad to know that I have made an impression on you. Confidence looks better than fear” Lady Danbury states as I just laugh to myself.

“Oh, I can not say that I am without fear” I tell her as I look on at her. 

“And does Miss Bridgerton know that you will be staying for the time being?” Lady Danbury asks.

“Yes, she is well aware” I tell her as a silence comes between us as I trace the rim of my glass with my finger, staring intently at the glass as I did so “Can one survive such a disease?” I ask.

“Disease? What disease do you speak of?” Lady Danbury asks with a bit of an uneasiness, as if I were to reveal something about my own self. 

“Love” I tell her. “It consumes you or at least that is what I have read. It is as intoxicating as the finest of ales. But it can leave you with nothing. Attacks the heart, leaving little to beat for but the one that inhabits it” I go on to say. “So, I ponder, can one survive love? I fear it may be a disease that shall inhabit me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And that puts a fear in me that I have never known” I say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that have read this chapter and the previous. One of the big things that I do as I write is that I like to write to music as it helps me visualize. Often times, I will use the lyrics to break up the different parts of the story. So the song I am listening to at the moment, I feature as a montage section to accomplish more in the story than to write out each individual moment. The Artist of the Song lyrics is Alexander 23 and The Song is IDK You Yet.


	3. A New Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne and Eloise look further into the illness that Lady Danbury may have. Simon makes some strides in convincing the farm tenants to negotiate with The King. Daphne becomes bothered when she learns of Simon's relations with a girl he has barely met.

[Simon’s P.O.V.]

I had always wondered what goes in to planning a ball. There was too many on the social calendar to count, but it seemed as if every weekend that there was some form of a ball to attend. The only good thing about attending these balls, was that the alcohol overflowed to the delight that any ball would become enjoyable after a drink or two. I had made my attendance with Anthony as he had a newfound look on how to go about his own intentions in searching for a wife. I did not have much to protest about, but that I did not want nor desire marriage for myself. 

I had scattered about the room, making small and meaningless conversation with those that made it a point to talk to me. Mamas would present their daughters to me, hoping that tonight would be the night I would decide to declare my intentions of marriage. The thought processes of mama’s did always puzzle me. I had my fun though. Not every daughter was of the conservative type but had the naughty intentions that did persuade me from time to time. Lonely nights build upon the intrigue that my sexual appetite that I had possessed. 

Making the occasional glance over towards Daphne, she had portrayed some bit of happiness as she danced with the Prince, but it was the moments when she thought that no one was looking that caught me. A smile from ear to ear for the crowd. Alone, a look of unease. A look that said that something weighed heavily on her mind. Finding a stolen moment, I had made my way over towards her. 

“I imagine that your dance card has become but a mere dust catcher for you at this point” I said making my presence known to her. Noticing that it was me, Daphne let out a smile of relief that it was me.

“I suppose. Though I do miss the adventures of the corky personality here and there” Daphne replies as I just laugh. 

“Yes, my favorite was the gentlemen that proposed that his very own mother reside with him and wife to be” I laughed as I recalled the memory in my head. 

“You are awful” Daphne laughed. “Thank you, I feared this night I would endure a drought of boredom” she said.

“You can count on me, your solider in the face of monotony” I tell her. “Though I must say, I would feel this would be the time that you would be the happiest of all” I say to her. 

“I would, but as usual realities come to set in with all talks of the wedding” Daphne sighs. “And thank you for your insistence. It was most appreciated. Mama has a sparkle about her at the thought of her eldest daughter having her wedding in the very place that she did” she says.

“I am happy to oblige. It is a part of our efforts to listen to each other” I tell her as I want to show her that I can be very teachable. “But as you were saying of your talks of the wedding?” I ask to be polite but deep down I feel some stinging pain at the mention of her nuptials.

“Yes, as I was saying. The Prince has relayed that he intends to return back to Prussia once we are married” Daphne tells me.

“It is to be expected that you would go with where your husband resides, is it not?” I ask.

“I had hoped with his fond memories of living in London, that we would reside here” Daphne replied. “I mean yes, I will eventually have to leave with my soon to be husband. But I just had the assumption that we would stay” she tells me. 

As she speaks, I try to focus in on the fact that there is a strong possibility that she may leave. Not a possibility, but she will eventually leave. The thought leaves my heart racing. It is like it Is getting harder to breath. I want to be the supportive friend that she had demanded of me. But I found it harder to do so than I originally had imagined. Just as I was about to speak, I felt a gentle touch on my hand that drew my attention away slowly. 

“Will you be coming by the opera house later on your grace?” The young woman asked.

“Uh, I would say that it is unclear if I shall” I tell her feeling a bit awkward as Daphne can hear our interaction. 

“Mr. Bridgerton has all but guaranteed your presence, I should hope that you would not make him out to be untruthful” The young woman said as Anthony made his way over towards us. 

“Hastings will be in attendance, do not let him tell you otherwise” Anthony says as he pats my back. 

“Great, I shall look for you” The young woman said before she turned to leave. 

“Brother, please tell me you intend to marry a respectable woman?” Daphne asked.

“I intend to take this serious, but I do not intend to suffer through the process” Anthony replied. “I will see you later Hastings, do not disappoint” he said before he made his way out of the ball not too far behind the young woman. 

“Do I want to know?” Daphne asks after a moment of awkward silence comes between us. 

“I should find a topic most uneasy” I tell her. 

“Then go, you shall not keep her waiting” Daphne sighs as she steps back, not wanting to stand in my way. 

It was just supposed to be a night of fun. Harmless nature fun that would mean nothing by the daylight. I was certain that when she was with the Prince, her own desires would want for more as any average human being would. A warm touch is more comfortable than that of a cold bed at night. I would not feel guilty at this moment. I would not allow myself to do so when every effort of me attempting to leave London had been thwarted. 

“Enjoy the rest of your night” I tell her before I slowly begin to walk forward.  
***

[Daphne’s P.O.V.]

Trying to comprehend Eloise is but a whirlwind. When my sister was intrigued with a subject, I found that she gets lost in the world of all that she desires to know. After many attempts, Eloise and I had managed to retrieve one of the medical journals from the town doctor. Of course, much deception had to go into the reasons we must have this journal, some that implied that our feminine minds needed to have resources to breed doctors. It was a tactic that Eloise found very shameful, but she was willing to subject herself to my plan. But now it left me even more confused as to what Eloise was even talking about. 

“Eloise, will you please just take a moment to further clarify?” I ask as I grow tired of Eloise’s rambling.

“This cough, it is but a symptom” Eloise stated. 

“Okay, and that is?” I ask in confusion as to what the statement was supposed to mean to me.

“A symptom based on what these scribblings note, is a precursor to what is to come” Eloise replies.

“So, will it get better?” I ask as the thought of things getting worse was even more worrisome. 

“If you note that blood is present with this cough. It may suggest that things would not” Eloise tells me.

“And you are sure of this?” I ask. “Because how much credit can we even put behind such scribblings that sound like that of a mad king” I add.

“Was it not you that suggested we retrieve such journals in your effort to discover more about this symptom?” Eloise asks. 

“Yes, I know that I asked you to help. But I was hoping you would serve as a comfort to my thoughts” I sighed. 

“I thought this was not for you or your thoughts?” Eloise asks.

“It is not for me, but I still care a great deal about the outcome for any person that should experience such a thing” I tell her. 

“I cannot go against what I have concluded. It is all in this journal, everything that leads to…” Eloise begins to say. 

“I know, you have shared with me your findings” I reply as I do not wish to hear such bleak outcomes again. 

“There is no need to have such harsh tones. I am merely doing as you ask. I refuse to lie to protect your feelings that are clearly invested in this outcome” Eloise said. 

“Can you not separate a book from this actually happening to a human being?” I question her. 

“And to that, I shall leave you to decipher whatever rosy picture you wish to make of actual words” Eloise stated, showing that I had offended her as she stormed off. 

Can we do anything together without it leading to one of us becoming flustered. 

“What did you say to upset your sister?” Anthony asks as he makes his way into the room. 

“Oh, you know, I breathed this morning and that upset her” I replied mockingly as Anthony just laughed.

“Should there ever be a moment that you two can coexist in this household together, I would love to be a part of that monumental place in time” Anthony teased as the help had brought out his tea for him. 

“I am quite surprised to see that you have stopped in so early. I would think that you had such a late night and would need the day to rest” I say as I have some intrigue as to how last night went for him, but particularly one person. As a friend, I feel it necessary to look after Simon. 

“Yes, I did have a late night of the best kind. But nothing to deter me from starting off the day with a bit of bickering from my youngest siblings” Anthony teased. 

“I am being serious. I do not think a Viscount and a Duke should dishonor themselves by raking around in such places that are beneath their dignity” I tell him. 

“And who is to say that it was beneath our dignity dear sister? I have begun to start the process of declaring my intentions, I have not yet made such declarations”   
Anthony concluded “And I have very high doubts that the Duke would think much of what is dishonoring him” he said.

“That is what you would think, but I happen to know that the Duke does have a certain amount of care” I reply.

“And why should you care?” Anthony asks. 

“Because as his friend, I just want to make sure that no one’s bad intentions are mixed with his” I reason.

“And as his friend, I believe the Duke can take great care of himself and whatever intentions that may come about” Anthony replied. “It is a new day. Nothing from the past shall press upon a fresh start” he told me. 

Maybe I was making a big deal about something that just was not. It was simply one night out amongst friends. Nothing more and nothing less. 

***  
[Simon’s P.O.V.]

Last night was unexpectedly interesting. It reminded me of the times when Anthony and I were off at school. At the point in my life, I felt like any adventure away from the monster was a good time. But last night was just careless abandonment at its finest. Preparing for the day of negotiations with the farm tenants, I soon began to feel as if hope was slipping away in that front. I would hope to find a way, but there was not much that I could do besides but hope. 

Knocking on every door in the villages. I talked and gathered information from each of the tenants. Most of them ranting about the same issues with the King. They were issues that I found dastardly if I were on the other foot. I just kept walking and walking. Feeling the heat of the day bearing down on me, I loosen up my ascot as I was severely overdressed. Finding a secluded oversized rock, I made my way over to take a rest. 

“You look quite defeated your Grace” I hear her voice say as I am a bit shocked to see that she has made her way out towards the village. 

“Daphne, what brings you out here?” I ask as I assist her onto the opposite side of the rock. 

“Rose and I went to the church to plant some flowers. I thought it might be aesthetically pleasing to the Queen to see something simple as opposed to dramatic style of flowers she has picked to her liking” Daphne told me “I saw you as we prepared to ride back into town and thought you looked quite defeated for someone who had such hopes” she said.

“Well, you would think right. No one is eager to make any compromise with the King” I told her. “And from the sounds of things, I do not blame them” I added.

“Though he has grown quite mad, I think how he has treated the very farmers that the town needs have been quite bad” Daphne replies. “What have you told them in this compromise?” she asks.

“I do not think you would understand the tactics I am using” I tell her as she laughs to herself. 

“I may be a lady, but I would think a lady has far more empathy than that of a man looking to just strike a deal” Daphne tells me.

“And what is that supposed to mean? I empathize!?!” I exclaim.

“Yes, you look all of the part. Dressed in your social wear, while they work in the dirt and grime of the mud” Daphne points out. 

“Okay, I suggest that they will receive a monthly stipend for their crops” I told her. 

“And that is it?” Daphne asks. “That is all you have to offer?” she asks.

“That is all I can offer” I reply.

“You have to do much better than that your grace. These people need to feed their families, provide for them. They want to feel as if they are not separate from that of the people in the town” Daphne stated.

“Then what would you offer?” I ask. 

“I would give the monthly stipend. Then I would give them a percentage of the land at the end of the year, to let them get eventual ownership of the land…” Daphne began to say.

“The King would never go for that” I quickly replied.

“He will still have some hold over the land through tax. Giving them ownership will make them feel pride, and in that it will lead to pride in the very product that you the town needs. Then you give them succession rights, that will allow them to pass along the land they would earn to their children” Daphne tells me, and I cannot help but be amazed with how she just took my problem and simplified it. “You have got to give and take in things” she told me. 

“I shall try your methods” I tell her.

“So... how was your evening?” Daphne then asks me.

“It was but a mere night of fun” I told her. 

“Fun. Good fun, I suppose. Or at least that it is what Anthony made of it…” Daphne began to say.

“If you already were told of last night, then what is use is to hear it from me” I quickly told her. “Emma was a lovely lady, that was nice to pass the time within the lonely nights this town has to offer” he said.

“So, she has a name, and she is nice to spend the lonely nights with?” Daphne asks. “In what way would the nights need to have been passed with her?” she asks as I am reminded that she is not too aware of the adult activities.

“I think that is all we should discuss about last night” I tell her as I begin to walk away.

“Simon!” Daphne says as she follows behind me “Simon, we’re not done talking!” she went on to call my name “You said you would talk with me, do you not remember that!” she then points out. 

“I slept with her!?!” I exclaimed as that was the last thing, I wanted her to know. I would not think much of what others thought of my actions. But I cared what she thought. I cared so much so that it only points out the lonely I feel. I can see the look of confusion on her face. Like she is trying to make sense of how things could have gone that far. But she does not understand a man’s yearning. Any human desire is dangerous when left unattended. 

“You slept with her, so essentially you bedded her” Daphne concludes.

“Yes, but like everything else, it means nothing but one night” I tell her as I hope that she finds comfort in that fact. “If there is one thing you must know about me. 

That will never mean anything to me because I felt nothing for her beyond that moment” I say. 

“And that does little to make things any better” Daphne replies as she begins to walk away from me. 

“How so? It is consensual with no strings attached” I tell her. 

“Because when will it? If that act means absolutely nothing to you. When will it mean something???” Daphne questions before she eventually walked off. 

Why did she care so much about who I bedded? It was as I told her, it meant nothing but harmless fun for the evening out with a longtime friend. I think all this wedding stuff is making her wound up. I know that she was not happy about the fact that she may have to move. Deep down, I feel the same way if she were to. But in the end, she will, and I refuse to be left behind as she does. It hurts to talk about her pending nuptials to her Prince, which is why it was so easy to bed another woman without thought. I do not feel for anyone, because in the end they all leave. That is all I have known, so I do not weigh other thoughts with my actions too much. 

***  
[Daphne’s P.O.V]

After my talk with Simon, I could not help but feel so flustered. I do not understand how a man and woman can barely meet and suddenly fall into bed together so easily. I did not understand how Simon could be so careless with his body to just want to do that. I thought he would be the kind of the guy that would want to know someone on a deeper level before falling into bed with them. His past had always trailed behind him, but what I knew of him was nothing like he had been rumored to be. 

When Prince Friedrich came over, he had talked so passionately about the things I would love about Prussia. I would smile but I knew that there was no description he could give me that would make me want to leave my family. He was so adoring to me, but my mind was not with him. I tried to, but I just did not want to pretend as if I was happy about leaving for Prussia. I would say that I am tired, and he would eventually leave so that I could start my errands for the day with Rose. 

My research with Eloise, had led me to believe that there was no good outcome to come off with Lady Danbury. Requesting to head over to her estate, I prepared myself for her sharp wit to cut like the sharpest of blades. Disguising my visit with a fresh bushel of flowers that I had gathered at the street markets; I was hoping to fool her with the delightful smells of the summer’s dandelions. Knocking on her door, Lady Danbury let out a sigh before she soon chuckled to herself. Overcome with the delightful smells as I suspected, she would eventually let Rose and I inside. 

“Am I to take this visit as a mere delivery of flowers?” Lady Danbury asks.

“Yes and no” I tell her as I remove my gloves to hand over to Rose before I join Lady Danbury to take a seat in the great room. “I have done much reading since I have seen you last on your condition” I begin to tell her.

“I really wish you would not confuse your thoughts” Lady Danbury said.

“While I have much respect for you, I shall not merely turn a blind eye to what is going on with you” I told her. “Now, I have gathered that your cough is merely a symptom. The blood, another progression of that symptom. So, I suspect that there is a greater issue that is going on with you” I stated.

“I think highly of you Miss Bridgerton, but this research has the likes of Eloise attached to these assumptions” Lady Danbury says as she studies. 

“And what exactly do you hope to accomplish with this worrisome behavior of yours?” Lady Danbury asks. 

“I want to help you get better. I have grown quite accustomed to your sharp wit and anything less from you would simply be most unsatisfactory” I tell her.

“So, this all for your peace of mind” Lady Danbury concludes.

“Not necessarily, there is Simon to consider” I tell her. “I know that he would not be pleased to hear of the condition I have seen you in” I say. 

“And he will remain unknowing” Lady Danbury quickly replied.

“With his current intentions of bedding ladies that he has barely met, I would suspect he would be unknowing for quite some time” I mumbled.

“Aw, and there it is” Lady Danbury smiles. “You worry for me because you worry for him” she stated. 

“I am to marry…” I begin to say as I do not wish to shift any attention on myself.

“I am aware of what you will do, but it does not stop what is happening” Lady Danbury told me.

“You will not distract me from shifting attention from you to me” I tell her. “If you do not provide me the necessary answers, I will only persist because I am not one to just settle for something unsatisfactory” I go on to say. 

“Fighting spirit, I can see that he will have his hands full” Lady Danbury says after a moment of silence came between us. Hearing her statement, I want to pretend like I am not paying her no mind. In my pursuit of being a tough as an iron wall, I cannot help but wonder as to the who she is referring to.

“Who exactly were you referring to?” I ask as I break down and give in to her statement.

“Come with me, I shall take you to my study. If you must persist, then must see what is ahead of you and Miss Eloise” Lady Danbury said to my surprise. Had she had one stiff too many? I suspected that I would have a knock down drag down fight to the end with her regarding the subject of her health. Getting up from my spot on the lounge chair, I get up to follow behind her.

***  
[Simon’s P.O.V]

I had come with new offers for the farm tenants, determined to get someone to see that I was coming with sincere intentions. I had met the same fate. I cursed myself for taking Daphne’s suggestions until I was able to talk with one man that was open to hear more. I had become so used to the rejections, that getting my final possibility of a yes left me speechless. In the back of my mind, I wanted to end the night with the finest ales to celebrate. With every word that I spoke, I wanted to make sure that I could get one and then they would convince the others to follow suit. 

Once I had made it back into town, I was immediately met at my estate by Anthony and few other gentlemen from the club. We had stumbled through the cobblestone streets, laughing, and drinking as I had no intention of exceeding a certain limit to remain sober, but Anthony merely drank because he could. Not much could get him to change his state of mind, but it appeared that after a few, he was immensely happier than his usual self. I had let him have his fun because lord knows he needs to. He had much weight to carry, more than I could have ever imagined. He had looked after many siblings within his family, with little regard to himself. Then with his sudden desire to declare his intentions for a young lady, I knew it was all becoming too much for him. But I would never say that to him.  
Helping him back to the Bridgerton family estate, I fear leaving him alone at his own flat would not be the best of ideas. Calling for Benedict to assist in helping him up to a spare room, we had managed to get him tucked away in the bed without waking his mama. I would be lying if I did not think to look for Daphne as I roamed about in the halls of the Bridgerton estate. I would find disappoint in my hopes as I made way out of the estate through the side. Walking through the darkness of the night through the small pathway, the glimmers of light allowed me to see her presence. Sitting on the childhood swing, Daphne looked as if she was lost in thought. Coming up slowly so that I would not frighten her, Daphne still looks a bit surprised to see me. 

“What brings The Duke to my family estate?” Daphne asks. 

“Your eldest brother. He enjoyed his ale in numerous quantities” I told her. “I would have left him at his flat, but I have this fear that he will do greater harm to himself alone than in the presence of staff tending to him” I tell her. 

“Another night of gentlemen like fun. You two have made it a habit these past few nights” Daphne says.

“I had much to celebrate” I told her. 

“And that would be?” Daphne asks before I walk over towards other swing that was available.

“May I?” I ask. 

“You shall” Daphne slowly cracks a smile as I too join her on the swings. 

“You can tell me now” Daphne reminds me.

“I had much to celebrate because I was able to get one farm tenant to listen to me. The man showed interest in wanting to negotiate with the offer that you suggested” I told her. 

“Well look there, I have helped the Duke of Hastings” Daphne smiled as she let out a soft laugh that made my heart flutter.

“Yes, you have helped me. But it would not celebrate too much. I must seek to gain more than just one person to get a mutual understanding between the King and the farm tenants” I told her. 

“It is a start” Daphne stated.

“It is a start” I chuckled softly as moment of silence came between us. 

“So, I have had much time to ponder of your lonesome nights that you spoke of last…” Daphne began to say. 

“That was not meant for you to ponder” I tell her as I just want to get past the topic all together. No good could come of us talking about it. 

“I want to. I want to talk about it” Daphne tells me. “I fear that I may have been a bit more flustered than I should have been” she said. 

“You were quite bothered” I laugh softly. “I feel as if I had my share of apologies to you, but this one, I could not say that I owe you an apology at all. This was simply you need to take your lashings out on me” I told her.

“I would not go to that extent” Daphne quickly replied.

“You Miss Bridgerton owe me an apology” I declare as I want to revel in the mere fact that it was Daphne who was in the wrong.

“Fine. Since I am all but certain you will be sure to apologize soon for something. I apologize to you, your grace” Daphne states “And I fear that is only because I myself do not know what it is to have those type of yearnings” Daphne says a bit embarrassed by her lack of knowledge of things. “As you know, my mama does not explain much to me” she said.

“And you wish for me to elaborate more on the details” I conclude. “Daphne, no. I will not tell you about those things because I refused to be the one that taints you with such thoughts” I tell her. 

“But yet you already have” Daphne tells me. “You are the only one that does not treat me like I am so delicate flower” she says. 

“What do you want to know?” I ask as I let out a sigh. 

“What is it like to yearn for someone?” Daphne asks. “What feelings do you feel in that moment?” she asks.

“It is like…. a man deprived of water. It is a thirst that only that one singular person can satisfy” I tell her as she hangs on my every word. 

“And how can they satisfy you?” Daphne asks as we move closer towards each other. Respectively on our swings. 

“You really make this difficult” I tell her. 

“Go on tell me” Daphne urges me on. 

“The way they taste in every sense of the word can be satisfying. The feel of their supple bosom against your own naked flesh. The taste of their lips, the fullness they possess. Their touch sets every fiber in your body on fire. The curiosity of what it would be like to drive that person to their highest peak of pleasure” I say as I can see that she becomes a bit flushed. Moving closer, I want to get close enough to her ear so that she could feel what I was telling her “The feeling of an erect bosom against your chest. Hands taking on a mind of their own as they slide down the sides of your body. Every inch of your body feeling the touch of a kiss. It is like you kiss out of fascination for the wonders of everybody part possesses. Fingers running along top of your trousers. Gentle pulls ease them down…” I begin to her as I feel this the appropriate time to leave her wanting more. I can tell by the look on her face, she was more than affected by what I was telling her. “And to that, I will leave your imagination to fill in the blanks” I say as I back away from her. 

“What? Simon…” Daphne begins to say. 

“The thrill of it, is the use of the imagination” I smile. “You know how to get yourself there, not apply the same effort in getting someone else to the heights that you seek to achieve” I tell her.

***  
[Daphne’s P.O.V]

Simon’s word stuck with me. They always stick with me even when I do not wish for them to. The vivid yet seductive picture that he painted; it was enough to leave me intrigued. In the darkness of the night, I touched myself, imagining all the things he had described as my visual picture. It was an exploration that I had grown eager to know more of. It was lessons that I was sure that my Mama would not dare disclose to me.

It was yet another ball. Another night of the finest of everything on display for all of society to see. All eyes gawked as usual as the Prince and I strolled in arm in arm. We would dance. We talk with all that would come over to us. We would be the society golden couple for the Queen to boast about. It was more an act that I could ever imagine to just be a couple. On the occasions where I would glance over at Simon, I could see that he found time to chat with his new acquaintance. A disturbing feeling came over me when I would see them interact throughout the night. I would hope that it was nothing, but a smile on his face. A smile on her face. It was enough to stir a feeling in me that made me dislike her. I wanted Simon to come over and talk with me. I wanted to laugh and make fun of the ridiculousness that surrounded us. I wanted his attention. I just wanted him of all the people in the room. I just wanted him.


End file.
